When i was younger, I have always wondered “what if i wasn’t me?” Like what does it actually feels like to be someone else? Now that I’m older, I still stop to wonder what it feels like to lead a totally different life. To be honest, I’ve always hated myself, the life that i’m leading. Not because i don’t have nice people around me or anything of that sort. I just hated being average, average at everything. What does it feel like to be good at something? I really want to know.

If you’ve read my previous posts a long time ago, you would have known that I was never good with my studies. I put in x10 the effort of some of my friends, just to be a mere average. So in short, i’m not.. smart, pretty, slim or even good at anything. I was just ordinary. I’ve always complained that “life isn’t fair” and people tell me i shouldn’t compare. But what do they know what it feels like to deal with self esteem issues everyday? Its a constant battle of feeling like you’re not good enough for anyone or anything. 

I’ve tried exercising, so i’d look better. But no matter how hard i try, i’ve never succeed. Whereas others seem to be able to do it so effortlessly. I know you’d say i don’t see the hard work they’ve put in. But how about people who don’t even have to do anything and they are already in shape? I know i really shouldn’t be complaining, but i just needed to get it off my chest. When can i end my battle with my weight?

When will i ever be good enough?

Page 365 of 365

Hello future Alicia!
So another year has past, we’re stepping into 2014 soon.
No doubt, 2013 has been a rather shitty yet wonderful year. I mean, whats life without some ups and downs right?
Lets see.. 2013, 2013.. what happened?

1. Traveled the most in a year
Visited 3 countries within a short span of 6 months, got nagged so much by my parents/relatives. But no regrets man, best decision i have ever made in my life so far. I know it doesn’t seem much to some, but for someone who doesn’t even travel every year.. that’s quite an achievement. So in 2014, i wanna travel more. Because it makes me happy, and i wanna be happy. I’ve had enough bullshits all year round man, i need to do things that makes me happy. :)

2. Went for my first run ever

Illumi run 2013! Not exactly a marathon run kinda run, but its the first time that I’ve actually paid money to RUN. i deserve some credit. & I’d gladly join such runs again, if i’m financially able to.

3. Took my braces off!

Holy mama! After 3.6 years of endless ulcers, sore gums, troublesome dental appointments. I’m finally done and over with this metal crap in my mouth. I’m finally able to bite into an apple. *tears of joy*

4. Started University
Not really exciting, but nevertheless, a milestone in life. Another horrible chapter/nightmare unveils. I’m still trying to adapt to university life of readings, research papers, studying, assignments, boring lectures blahblahblah. As much as i dread uni, i wanna go it well and do it good. Graduate with at least a second upper honors please!

5. Start living healthily
I’m starting to exercise, run, eat well etc. Though not the best, but at least I’m taking the first step out. *pats on back* This is gonna be a lifestyle change, so i wanna take it slow. :)

6. Another awesome year with my USSGRBABIES.

(not full department)
Despite all the rants of wanting to leave, i’m still here fighting alongside my colleagues. Things can be quite mundane, boring, unreasonable at times. But we’ve made it another year together. No doubt, many have left, many have joined and our department is constantly changing. But it’s still kinda fun!

7. Another awesome year with my lovely monkeys

Going to Bali together, doing crazy shit, adventure adventure adventure! Although, we’re not always meeting due to personal schedules, school, army, work etc. But when we meet, we are still crazy and that’s all that matters. <3 Will be meeting them for countdown again this year, i like how its our tradition. 31 Dec – 1 Jan is always for the sexyapes.

So that’s pretty much a summarized version of my year. Really long story short, it has been a great year, with bad days and good ones. But that’s just life. So lets cheers to 2014, hopefully it’ll be hell of an amazing year. To 2014!

I am back!

Hi there, it has been a such a long time since i’ve been here!
So i’m actually supposed to be studying because i’ve papers to take in 2 weeks time.
But I drank coke awhile ago and now i’m feeling bloated and sick. So I assume its a valid enough reason to be sitting here typing away.

My thoughts are pretty scattered right now. So whatever i’m blogging today, did not happen in order!

So during the period that i was away, I transformed from a Polytechnic student to a University student. Say what?!
In fact, I’ve been for 3 months now. So I’ve officially graduated from TP! (I know this is kinda late but who cares?)

Nah, truth is i graduated from Hogwarts! ;)
I’m not going into details since it happened like ages ago.

But i really really really wanna blog about Bali! Such a lovely place, with such awesome people, there’s nothing more i can ask for!

Everything was so perfect and fun, even though we did not have any prior itinerary. The late night HTHTs & all the random shit that we do really makes everything so much more memorable. I guess it really doesn’t matter where you go as long as you’ve got the right company. You know what this means? I really need another getaway trip with the monkeys!

Before graduation i also went to Bangkok which i believe i mentioned in one of my previous post, i can’t remember.

On our favourite couch at the hotel lobby! We sit here everyday waiting for our tuktuk to fetch us to the main street or to ask the reception for directions. The trip was yet again one of the best trips i had. Probably because its one of the very few trips that i go with my friends, in fact this was the first. I’m the kind where i like going overseas with friends better than family. I feel that it’s a lot more enjoyable since our preference are pretty similar. I don’t know, am i the only one?

I’ve also gone on a trip to Taiwan with my family and relatives! Not going into details since i don’t have the pictures in my computer and i’m too lazy to go get them.

& something exciting!
After 3.6 years…..

I’m finally braces free! I didn’t even realize how long I’ve been having braces, until now. & man, that was a really really long time!

From…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the best picture i can find. (selfies weren’t exactly popular during that time) This was taken in 2008 btw. I chose this picture because it clearly shows my overbites. It isn’t very obvious from the front. But from the sides.. it was kind of obvious. & i believe braces has helped to reduce my face size. I don’t really know how to explain, but you’ll see.

 

I know it isn’t exactly a huuuuuge difference, but i feel that i look better now. Not meant to sound narcissistic or anything. But i felt that braces has helped to improve my looks. & well also because I’m all grown up now, so i’m more conscious about how i look.

Taking off my braces was one of the best gift my dentist could give me for my birthday! (I took it off 2 days before my birthday!)
Speaking of which, this year’s birthday wasn’t extravagant or anything. I just spent some time alone at home, sleeping and stuff. Plus dinner (on different days) with my family and some friends! It’s all i ask for anyway. No need for parties or anything.
But i did spend a little more money  than usual to pamper myself by buying things i’ve always wanted! I bought a pair of Superga and kindle that I’ve been eyeing since forever! (which caused me to be really broke for the weeks after)

So I’ve been working, studying and just meeting up with my beloved friends. & that is really all i ask for.
To play hard and work hard!

I might be going for illumi run this December! Whoop, hopefully there’ll still be slots! Its my first run, so i’m pretty darn excited! Speaking of which, I’ve many of my first times this year! I need to have them written down before the end of 2013! I want to be able to look back and see all the things I’ve done.

I’ll be back again, hopefully soon!
<3

Be yourself, love yourself

As cliche as my title sounds, its nothing but the truth. 

I’m pretty sure many of us had once tried so hard to fit into somewhere, to try to please everyone, just to feel accepted. I for one, did all those dumb things. But today, it dawned on me that i’m at the point where i’m feeling nothing but unhappiness and jealousy. I hate trying to belong somewhere. Well, as good as it feels to belong in a “clique”. It doesn’t fucking matter. 

How sure are you that your clique is gonna stay the same way 10 years down the road? We all needed to be separated at some point in time, you’re not gonna be able to stay in you “clique” forever. 

Anyway, the reason for saying all of this is because many things have happened. Like people forming cliques, and also me being forgotten. Truthfully, It feels horrible to be on the other end where people just totally forgot you exist. Its like you don’t really matter. (i’m actually typing all this and feeling angry) But what i chose to neglect, was the fact that there are others out there who cares, who remembers about my existence. So i’m gonna devote more of my time to these people. Because they appreciate me as a friend. They don’t forget me once they meet someone “better”. 

Which brings me to another point. Look, there will always be someone out there better, smarter, prettier and cooler. But if you have real friends, they’ll still stay by your side. These friends are gems, hold them tight. They are the ones that will go through all ups and downs with you. :) 

Glad to have the handful of friends that i know are gems. :) Thank you my lovely pengyous.

 

 

I hate..

1) I hate it when people compare me with others.

This one’s on the top of my hate list. Don’t ever compare me with others, I’d probably stop talking to you. It’s annoying how people expect you to behave, just because others do it, doesn’t mean I have to do it too. Everybody have different circumstances that restrict their capability to do what someone else can. People need to learn how to be more sensitive towards other people’s feelings. I don’t know if anyone else feels the same, or maybe because i’m a Leo and i have a personality that is a little harder to comprehend. But this is definitely a big no-no for me.

2) I hate how when a single female and male are friends, people automatically assume that they are fond of each other.

Seriously, just because someone’s single DOES NOT mean that they’re looking for someone. Leave us alone. By trying so hard to pair us up together, just makes things very awkward for both parties. And I don’t see how I should lose a friend because of someone’s matchmaking fetish. If we are fond of each other, WE WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO. I really wonder what’s going through the brains of these people. They must be like.. “Oh single and single, perfectoooo!” Whatever it is, just MYOB. Unless we seek your help, don’t even try.

3) I hate being replaced.

Need i say more? The feeling of being replace sucks. I know we all grow up, we go separate ways in life. I understand, i’m not that unreasonable. But I hate when they find someone better, they just forget that you exist. I don’t need my friends to talk to me 24/7, 365 days. What I’m asking is that we text each other at times to find out how the other party is doing, to show that  you are still keen in maintaining the friendship. It’s quite reasonable, isn’t it?

 

Just a disclaimer, the above does not refer to anyone or anything in particular. But of course, if the shoes fit, then go ahead and wear it. These are just some things that have been on my mind for a pretty long time now. I just need somewhere to let it out. Sometimes, i wonder why i have friends too. I honestly think i can be a difficult person to be with sometimes. My friends must really love me a lot. heh, thank you. ^^